“My wife says I have a Masters Degree in Disappointment.”
Those were the words of another Pastor during our Presbytery Worship Service (at the beginning of our quarterly meeting) on Tuesday.
I would say that caught our attention. It did mine.
That statement aligns with some of my own thoughts this Fall, as I have been processing my own expectations and disappointments. I wrote previously this past summer about a joy killer. Unfulfilled expectations leading to disappointment is certainly another joy killer. Your disappointments do not leave much room for joy. Or any. Especially if you are determined to stay focused there.
I’ll give what might seem to be a rather tame example: Fall leaves.
I have felt like I’ve missed a lot of joy of seeing brilliant Fall colors. That seems silly to write and yet it is something that has stay fixed in my mind for many weeks.
We vacationed in Massachusetts early in the Fall in the hopes of seeing all of the varying shades of reds, yellows, and oranges. It seems we were a little early. And I have spent a lot of my free hours staining a much needed new fence that was not an inexpensive investment. It’s wise to protect is. Finally, until last week, I had done zero hiking during this Fall (more on that below). And some of you know how I feel about “forest bathing”.
So, I’ve had this low level disappointment that seems to have colored my view of the color around me. Everything has been a dull shade of brown. It’s a feeling that has kept me from seeing what is in front of me at times. From rejoicing in what is actual, rather than fixating on my disappointments. Consider my example ridiculous, if you will, but how often do we sabotage our own joy because we have decided to focus on what isn’t, rather than what is? I am trying to open my eyes a little wider, while also recognizing that our expectations are natural and disappointments do exist. But studying those like we are trying to earn that Masters Degree is not necessary. And none of us need a PhD in that either.
That kills our joy.
So, look up. Look around. It may not look like you hoped, but there is likely something to see that can provide some measure of joy. That is much better than beholding expectation and disappointment, as if it is the only reality.
Welcome to new subscribers (including my own wife! - I’ll have to behave now) and thank you all for reading.
Reading Joy
Since last writing, I have finished three of the books “On My Nightstand”:
Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose — finally! Took me many months to work through this history of Lewis and Clark. What they accomplished was a triumph. And sadly [spoiler alert], the end of Lewis’ earthly journey was quite tragic and sad. Even the greatest accomplishments in a generation are not enough to satisfy our souls. I have a couple of other books by Ambrose on my history shelves, including (it turns out) his book on the building of the Transcontinental Railroad that has been recommended by a subscriber.
Bully Pulpit: Confronting the Problem of Spiritual Abuse in the Church by Michael Kruger. I wish there were not a need for this book. And yet, I have had personal conversations about potential spiritual abusers [outside of my denominational context, yet is also a reality there too] in our area. As a Shepherd-Pastor, this grieves me. And I also want to be equipped to help those who have been hurt, better safeguard my denomination from such, and to respond wisely when it does happen.
The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny and Murder by David Grann. I have read most of Grann’s previous books (Killers of the Flower Moon, The Lost City of Z, and The White Darkness) and have loved them all. He is one of the best writers of narrative history, while also drawing lessons from that history. Here’s a line that stood out to me: “Facts, too, can become casualties in a warring society.”
On the Nightstand:
Currently preaching through 1 Peter, so lots of reading centered around that.
Devotionally, I am slowly working through Ezekiel (that’s a wild book - just read the first chapter!) and always keep the Psalms nearby.
Almost done with David Murray’s little book Christians Get Depressed Too: Hope and Help for Depressed People. I recommended this to a friend, not having read it, but based on being familiar with online writing by Murray that gave me good reason to trust this book. I did so not knowing I would need it not on behalf of others, but for myself. I appreciate Murray’s nuance and balance in this book as he approaches the subject of depression with a gentle and kind hand.
Just started a new novel by David McCloskey (Moscow X), who previously worked for the CIA. This is his second book set in the world of spies and espionage.
I also grabbed the fourth and final Wingfeather Saga volume off the shelf. I will probably start that soon.
Companions in the Darkness: Seven Saints Who Struggled with Depression and Doubt by Diana Gurver. Just getting started on this one that I have borrowed from a friend. No real progress, but have been thinking a lot about one of Gurver’s encouragements from the life of Martin Luther: Look to the Wounds of Christ.
The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny and Murder by David Grann. Another book I am just starting, but am really looking forward to this one. I have read Grann’s Killers of the Flower Moon, The Lost City of Z, and The White Darkness previously.
The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time by Alex Korb. On page 30 of 195. Stalled out on this one.
Seeing Joy
As I noted above, with the encouragement and direction of a friend, I ended up on a wonderful and much needed hike last week. That was part of the reason for not writing last week. I traveled a little north of us to Tims Ford State Park in Tennessee and hiked the “Overlook Trail” and parts of others. And, yes, I was able to see some of the colors and I loved being next to water.
I was thrilled to see the Owl (George Dickel, is his name, if I recall). He was less pleased to see me.
Listening Joy
Here’s a song that has been on repeat for me this week.
I think one reason it has caught my attention is because of one of the themes of 1 Peter is the reality that the follower of Christ will never fully be at home in this world. We are aliens and strangers here.
Pug Joy for Mark
A friend noted that he had not seen many pictures of Maurice recently (via Facebook, where I have curtailed a lot of my time and attention).
I told him he had to subscribe to my newsletter! And so he did.
And a bonus picture of Benji (who I usually call Benjamin - he is the youngest)
If you have read this far - thank you!
Until next time, grace and peace to you.
Adam, this is a central theme of "Nothing Like it in the World":
"Though the companies were concerned that their A.I. chatbots were inaccurate or biased, they put those worries to the side — at least for the moment. As one Microsoft executive wrote in an internal email, “speed is even more important than ever.” It would be, he added, an 'absolutely fatal error in this moment to worry about things that can be fixed later.'" [from NY Times - https://nl.nytimes.com/f/a/gzbHPCjp1nh8qRC3Ai5LmA~~/AAAAAQA~/RgRnVYKIP4RAAWh0dHBzOi8vbWVzc2FnaW5nLWN1c3RvbS1uZXdzbGV0dGVycy5ueXRpbWVzLmNvbS9keW5hbWljL3JlbmRlcj9hYlZhcmlhbnRJZD0wJmNhbXBhaWduX2lkPTkmZW1jPWVkaXRfbm5fMjAyMzEyMDgmaW5zdGFuY2VfaWQ9MTA5NjI5Jm5sPXRoZS1tb3JuaW5nJnBhaWRfcmVnaT0yJnByb2R1Y3RDb2RlPU5OJnJlZ2lfaWQ9MTU3MzcyNzAmc2VnbWVudF9pZD0xNTIwNDMmdGU9MSZ1cmk9bnl0JTNBJTJGJTJGbmV3c2xldHRlciUyRmRkMGYxMWUzLWU4YzctNTU0Ni1hNjk3LWUzOGVlNzM2ZGZhYSZ1c2VyX2lkPWQwZDFjNjRkMzY2YTdmMDQ2YmZkZDExMzkzOGM1OWNkVwNueXRCCmVpiP1yZSdc6GFSEHJnNzg3OEBnbWFpbC5jb21YBAAAAAM~]
Beautiful autumn hike pictures!
Thank you for your newsletter and sharing your joys with us.