Double the Joy no. 65: Unexpected Places
April 4th, 2025
The third or fourth floor of a hospital is not a place where you might expect to find joy.
The third or fourth floor of a hospital that is exclusively for children with cancer is certainly not a place you would expect to find joy.
And yet, it was there.
Within small pockets of time and space, while surrounded by much adversity. To say the least.
On a Sunday in February, I left Church and drove for four hours, so I could be at the bedside of a girl who means the world to me. She is my little sister in Christ, though as she reaches pre-teen years, she is not a little kid anymore. And she will tell you. Her story is not my story, but our stories intersect in many ways — including that horrible valley of cancerland.
No one plans a trip there.
No one wants to stay.
It is not the happiest place on earth.
And yet, Talia and her family are there.
And so, I went (my wife, Lydia, was already there), as well, while Talia and her mother were at St. Jude in Memphis at the “in-patient” part of the campus. I felt something deeply in my soul, as one who has been a patient due to cancer. It takes me places internally that are hard for me to describe, but that are intense and complicated. Not the first place one would associate with joy.
And yet, joy was present.
I felt that deeply too.
Joy was present in a nurse (Cici) who simply radiated joy and kindness every time she came into the room.
It was present in partnering with and seeing how Lydia loves and serves others. She has her own reactions, especially from the perspective of a caretaker, when we enter more deeply into cancerland with others.
In playing and beating Talia at Uno over multiple rounds. Yes, you read that right, I am taking great joy in this. You have to understand that this girl shows no mercy when it comes to playing games. There’s no just letting the Pastor win. So, yeah, I won. And I enjoyed it.
In having her read books to me.
And doing math worksheets. Me helping with math is laughable. Let’s just say, it’s not a strong suit of mine. In fact, I was trying to make up my own math multiplication table that covered the numbers 11 and 12. It wasn’t as straightforward as one would expect. Not from or for me.
In a Doctor, who is not Talia’s Doctor, but who nonetheless wanted to come see and say hello to her.
Joy was there because the promise and call of 2 Corinthians 1 was taking place in that moment.
And it was in reciting Psalm 23 with Talia.
And perhaps, what brings me joy the most, is receiving this note from Talia’s mother after we had left:
Yesterday morning our PCA came in, and she was the same lady as the day before when you guys were there. She said “That was her uncle yesterday, wasn’t it? They had me in stitches with their conversations.” I answered “Well, pretty much, yes…”
I don’t have a “platform”, that other well-known Pastors have, but I have the bedside of an 11 year old struggling through treatments for stage 4 cancer. I take no joy in her journey. But I will look for joy in the nooks and crannies of unexpected places. And I will carry that with me and pray that she and her family can and will too.
[This reflection is shared with permission]
Thank you for reading and to those who have subscribed to this newsletter. Please feel free to share and I appreciate all comments and responses.
Reading/Listening Joy
First, of all, I told you that I would tell you when the episode of the Podcast that I was a guest on was released. Well, that happened earlier in the week and this the first of three parts. It was tons of fun to participate in and we ended up having a followup conversation. Randy has been a great encouragement to me and a large number of subscribers to this newsletter have come by way of his own (please subscribe to Greatheart’s Table, if you haven’t already)
I am not sure of the behind the scenes magic, but I think this first part turned out really well and expect the same for the second and third parts.
I will be adding “book influencer” to my business card soon, as I have turned Randy on to the C.J. Sansom Shardlake series and another subscriber told me about his reading a book I read and mentioned earlier this year (The Mysterious Case of Rudolf Diesel). This, of course, brings me much joy.
Reading Joy
Completed since I last wrote about books, which has been a little while:
Robert’s Rules of Order: Newly Revised and In Brief (Multiple Editors). I’ll just let my tweet/post/whatever it is called now speak for this particular book:
Crying in H-Mart by Michelle Zauner (who is also known for her band Japanese Breakfast) — as noted, previously, I don’t read a lot of memoir, but this is one of those books I kept seeing and hearing about. And it did not disappoint. The author writes about her complicated relationship with her parents, especially her Korean mother. Zauner is bi-racial (American father) and much of this memoir deals with her mother’s death from cancer. There is much beauty and pain within these pages. It is not written from any particular religious perspective, in fact, that is mostly absent. But it is very human and I read to understand someone else better or have my own feelings articulated.
How she’d shiver and whisper that she would always suffer to bring me comfort, that that was how you knew someone really loves you. I remembered the boots she’d broken in so that by the time I got them I could go on unbothered, without harm. Now, more than ever, I wished desperately for a way to transfer pain, wished I could prove to my mother just how much I loved her, that I could just crawl into her hospital cot and press my body close enough to absorb her burden.
The Unhurried Pastor: Redefining Productivity for a More Sustainable Ministry by Brian Croft and Ronnie Martin — I read this during a recent study leave and there were good reminders for me as one who is often juggling many tasks and needs. The desire of the authors is to help pastors serve with “joy and longevity”. Grateful for the reminders for me within and several things that I continue to think about (especially from the chapter on Prayer).
De-Sizing the Church: How Church Growth Became a Science Then an Obsession and What’s Next by Karl Vaters — I also read this during Study Leave. I have long appreciated Vaters, as much of his writing is directed to small church pastors, and this book was a good perspective setter. I often feel a sense of discouragement as a Pastor of a small Church, as we often judge by the wrong metrics. It is good for me to confront that and reset my own mindset.
The idea of a church constantly getting bigger began as an outlier. Then it became a goal. Now it is the standard by which the performance of all churches is measured. Our obsession with numerical success is overwhelming pastors, stifling churches, and ruining our witness.
Sovereign by C.J. Sansom — this is the third (of eight) in the Matthew Shardlake historical fiction series. Shardlake is a lawyer who falls into solving mysteries. The Sovereign referenced in the title is King Henry VIII. These are dense novels, deeply researched and rooted in history, and incredibly well conceived and written.
Since I was a child, whenever I was troubled I had always been able to escape into the world of books, and as I delved through Wrenne’s collection I felt my my mind and body settling, relaxing…I realized hours had passed. I went downstairs to the kitchen, feeling a little embarrassed. Madge sat there sewing, I coughed.
‘I am sorry, Madge, I lost myself in the books up there.’
‘He will be questioned about this.’
‘Harshly?’
‘Yes.’
‘That love could drive someone to do such evil, it is hard to believe.’
‘It is what can happen when one gives oneself over entirely to feeling’
Annual Reading Goal: 12 of 52 [More of less on pace]
On the Nightstand
Theo of Golden by Allen Levi — Should finish this one soon and it will be one of my favorite reads from the year, when all is said and done. Perhaps one of my favorite novels in a long time.
How to See a Person by David Brooks — I have read articles by Brooks (long-time New York Times columnist), but this is the first book by Brooks that I have read. It is excellent and also likely be one of the top books for this year.
The Whole Christ by Sinclair Ferguson — a well-known book in my theological circles that has been on my “to-read pile” for a long time. I started this while on Study Leave, as I wanted to also read a book of theology. That said, this has much that addresses pastoral practice through the lens of a particular bit of church history.
Still On the Nightstand — books I am not reading as actively as others, but will return to eventually.
Consolations of Philosophy by Boethius
Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton
Remaking the World: How 1776 Created the Post-Christian West by Andrew Wilson
Adventures in Scripture
I have decided this year to read/listen to the Bible through two times this year.
I am almost done with 2 Chronicles, so ahead of schedule (I listened to all of the New Testament in January…backwards, I know). Keeping all the Kings of Israel and Judah straight in my mind is challenging, which is where my mind has been recently.
Listening Joy
You bring me joy
You bring me joy
All my days
You bring me joy
I love the jazzy feel of this one. Not over done, but a nice layer to the music that accompanies the lyrics well.
I have some “Seeing Joy” to share next week that involves Waterfalls and Red Pandas. Can’t wait!
If you have read this far…thank you!
Feel free to share or subscribe, as that brings me much joy.
I'm so glad you wrote about your visit with Talia. Thanks so much.
Adam, that is a beautiful meditation on your hospital visit. Thanks for that. It is a reminder that this is not simply a part of our job, it is richer and more sublime than that. Thank you.